2 years and three weeks later...

I feel like I've been away.

2 years and three weeks ago I was in the middle of one of the busiest summers of my life--in the middle of the busiest year of my life. I had just finished my first year of graduate school and was in the thick of teaching privately and at school. My schedule on my phone was full of different colored appointments, rehearsals, meetings, dinners, events--I saw them all as I scrolled back to see what I was doing. If I look at my calendar now, there are a lot less colors.

I don't really care if people don't blog anymore. I need to write. 

For what seems like the blink of an eye, everything has changed. The jobs I was working are over. Most of the students I had are gone. People I love moved away. New scars have formed.

My phone no longer blows up at 11:00pm with life or death problems I need to solve. I don' t have a constant influx of emails asking for advice or help. I am left alone most of the time. I can actually think and breathe. I can sit and wonder what to do, for hours sometimes. I can waste away the day and not have to stay up late to get work done. There is no work to be done. This may sound nice to some of you, but for me all it does it give me time to reminisce. Of course, I have incredible memories that give me great joy, but with any good memory comes a bad one. You can't have the good without the bad.

What did it all mean? What have I learned besides how to sound like an emo-inclined 14-year-old who is questioning the meaning of everything? 

I have learned that the more I know the less I know. People can be cruel--especially when they don't intend to be. Friends can hurt us more than enemies can. And sometimes it's the smallest things that matter the most. 

But  through all of this there was one thing I never did: worry. People have laughed at me, scoffed at my beliefs and joked about how it was ridiculous to rely on an invisible force, but I tell you this: God has never let me fall. I trusted him not to. Through every change and trial I knew that no matter how bad it got I would end up where I was supposed to be. I feel sorry for those of you who go through your life all on your own willpower. Because I don't know how you manage it. Without God, I would have surely failed by now.

I've been spending quite a bit of time with "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas a Kempis, and if you haven't read it I highly recommend it. What I read today inspired me to refresh this stale blog and write. Here it is:

"It is good that we be sometimes contradicted, and that men think ill or inadequately of us, even though we do and intend well. These things help often to the attaining of humility, and defend us from vain glory: for then we chiefly seek God for our inward witness, when outwardly we are condemned by men, and when there is no credit given unto us. Therefore a man should rest himself so fully in God, that he need not to seek many comforts of men."

This is one of those things that feels like it was written just for me. If you know anything about my life or the last few months you'll know that I've been feeling condemned and contradicted and given no credit where credit is due. Thomas a Kempis titles this letter, "Of the Profit of Adversity". Let that sink in for a while.

I think there's a misconception that a good Christian shouldn't stay hurt or wounded for long because God heals all wounds. I'm here to tell you that while God does heal all wounds, I'm pretty sure scars are permanent. And they should be. Otherwise how will you learn? How will you remember? I've had a lot of time to think about this.

I'm going to be fine. Not everything is perfect but it doesn't matter. I'm going forward, wherever that may be. I have incredible friends. I have incredible family. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I treasure all my experiences, especially the tough ones, because it's the difficult times that grow a person the most. (pretty sure the Flash figured that out too) *Sorry, had to insert a joke to lighten the mood.*

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you want to hang out or hear more details, just hit me up. I have plenty of time. :)

So many words, so little point.

If anyone even still follows this thing you can see I don't  blog consistently. I love to write and I always have an opinion, but when I was thinking about why I hadn't blogged in a long time I kept coming up with the same answer. I had nothing to say.

Isn't it amazing that I'm one of the rare oddities in the world that doesn't talk when they don't have anything real to say? Boy I wish more people were like me.

Sounds arrogant? Just think about it. How many articles, blogs, interviews, newsletters, Facebook updates, and Tweets have you seen lately where the content rattles on and on about some controversial topic, but never really says anything. And if on the rare chance the person is saying something of worth, odds are that about thirteen other people have already said the exact same thing in the last week. Bruce Jenner. What Kim Kardashian thinks of Bruce Jenner. How your mom thinks Bruce Jenner is evil. Gay marriage. How you think your mom is evil for thinking Bruce Jenner is evil. Isis. Caitlyn Jenner. YOU GET THE POINT. Constant twattle about the same things, always resulting in absolutly nothing.

You know what I've been doing with my life instead of dreaming up clever ways to state my opinion on the interwebs? I've been cultivating relationships.

One of the other big reasons I haven't blogged much is because I'm a teacher and a lot of my students are my friends on social media, and I didn't think they'd want to read about themselves on my blog. You say, "Oh brother! Everyone knows you don't accept your student's friend requests! What kind of teacher are you?" I'll tell you what kind of teacher I am. I'm the same person on social media as I am to my students, so there's nothing on there they wouldn't see in real life anyways. (Weird right? Being the same person in every environment... how utterly ridiculous.)
        But most of what I've learned over the past couple years has been a direct result from being involved in people's lives, weather they're my students, co-workers, friends, teachers, or family. And oh my stars you wouldn't believe the amazing things I've seen. Teenagers dealing drugs, crying in remorse. Money for student bills just showing up out of nowhere. Dreams that convict. Messages from the Holy Spirit that come from 5 different sources, all in one day, saying the same thing. Chances to stand up for Jesus in a place where he is openly mocked and ridiculed. Opportunities to pray, comfort, feed, clothe, and serve those who God puts before me... you know how I would have missed them? By talking when there wasn't anything to say.

Admit it, have you ever stared at your blank Facebook status for more than a minute, trying to figure out something clever to say so you'll get a bunch of people's likes? You know what else you could do with that minute? Shoot someone a text, ask them how they are. Pray for someone you know is struggling. Try to remember what you heard the Pastor say on Sunday so you can at least attempt to apply it to your day.

Now this is where the one goober in the crowd goes, "So what you're saying is if I like social media and want to weigh in on the worlds problems online, then I'm missing the opportunities God is giving me?" And I shall say to this goober, "No. But I am saying that sometimes our lives can get so caught up with words and opinions that they plug up our ears and we can no longer listen."

Have you ever met that one dude who argues with you, and you can tell while you're explaining your point of view that he's just waiting for you to shut up so he can talk next? Yeah... that guy has opinions up to his ears, and in his ears. (Haha. Yeah good one I know.)

So thus I return to the blog world once more after a long time of silence. Because why? Because I had nothing to say. I was listening. I was living my life. I was learning from real live people that I can see and touch, not some obtuse celebrity that I will never meet. And man, people are so messed up bro, and God is so great, I feel like I've gained about 30yrs of wisdom all at once. It's kind of overwhelming.


Next time you open your mouth to argue or state your precious opinion on the latest selfie taken by some model without makeup that now everyone hates, shut it. Find something else to do that has value. And if that means shoving those opinions down for a while, you might find that when you go to bring them back out again, they're not nearly as important.

BBC's Merlin: How it should've ended.

If you've never seen BBC's MERLIN (a show that's all on Netflix) then you're missing out. Especially if you like Arthurian legends. Who doesn't? Kings, knights, round tables, magicians, Excalibur... awesomeness. This particular take on the story is especially cool because of the way they weave characters together. And the bond between Arthur and Merlin: well... let's just say you've never seen brotherly love until this. (and of course an epic dose of brotherly teasing :) BUT as amazing as this show is, the ENDING SUCKS. 

If you haven't seen it yet, I won't tell you the ending in this post. I will however, re-write the ending, so you can be sure that whatever you read here DOES NOT happen. So if you want no spoilers, don't read on. But if you're like me, dear one, and you loved the show and think of Merlin and Arthur as actual people you know, this ending is for you. Because obviously BBC didn't know what it was doing...

So remember, if you don't want to know what DOESN'T happen, don't read on. Not until you go watch all 5 seasons. Without further ado, I present to you, the proper ending of the show....

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"Arthur!" Merlin shouted, cradling Arthur's head in his hands. "Don't give up! We're almost there!" Merlin frantically looked down at the wound in his best friend's chest. He wished his magic was strong enough to pull the blade fragment out, but he'd already tried and failed.
"Merlin," Arthur said wearily, his eyes threatening to close. "I want to say something--"
"No!" Merlin interrupted. "Don't say it. We'll make it." Merlin pulled with all his strength, but he couldn't pick Arthur up off the ground.
"No... I want to say something I've never said before..." Arthur blinked up at his servant. "Thank you."
Merlin blinked away tears. "Arthur, open your eyes!" Arthur was dying.
Merlin roared with rage and threw his hands up in the air. He wasn't going to let Arthur die. Not after everything they'd been through. Not after all those years of hiding his magic from the king. Arthur knew Merlin was a sorcerer now. He didn't like it at first, but now he'd accepted it, and if Merlin let him die, the kingdom of Camelot would never change. The ban against sorcery would never be lifted. Everything Merlin worked for, sacrificed for, would've been in vain. Merlin clenched his fists and summoned every bit of magic he could sense. The ground shook. The trees rumbled. Light flew from all corners of the forest and wrapped around Merlin's hands. He held onto it, took a deep breath, and brought it crashing down on King Arthur's chest. A loud crack echoed in the air. Arthur gasped.
Merlin fell backwards from the force, his eyes blacking out from the impact. He felt around for his bearings and struggled to his feet, just as his vision was beginning to return. Arthur was sitting up, clutching his chest, and panting heavily. He turned his wild eyes towards Merlin, not really believing what had just happened. "The greatest sorcerer to have ever walked the earth, eh?" he said. "What took you so long?"
Merlin smiled. Tears of relief cascaded down his cheeks as he ran to help Arthur up.

Together, they traveled back to Camelot, which took more than a day because not everything is within a few hours walk. Arthur found Guinevere at once and told her all about Merlin and how he had magic and had used it to save Arthur's life (thousands of times), but Guinevere already knew. She let Arthur think he was telling her something new though, because she knew it would make him happy. Arthur called his knights to him and abolished the ban against sorcery. He then threw a banquet in Merlin's honor and made him the Court Sorcerer. Merlin finally got all the credit he deserved, and a servant of his very own. Together, they ruled Camelot for many years until one day when Arthur finally succumbed to old age. Then his son, Erthur, (get it, Uther, Arthur, Erther...) Grew up and became King, with an old wizened wizard named Merlin to guide him.

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I feel so much better. Don't you? You're welcome.
If you've just read this and HATE my ending and feel the desire to comment below and say so, don't. My ending is waaaay better. Come on. I mean really: the BUS? Please.

Anyways. This is also my return to blogging after over a year. Hi. Thanks for reading. Go watch some Merlin.

d.

Boycotting Sinners

Ellen DeGeneres. Adam Lambert. Elton John. George Michael. Ian McKellen. Neil Patrick Harris. Rupert Everett. Nathan Lane. Freddy Mercury. David Hyde Pierce. Jodi Foster. Rosie O'Donnell. Stephen Fry. Jane Lynch.

What do they all have in common? Must I say it? You know.

I've spent years admiring these people, quoting them, trying to sound like them, laughing at their jokes, crushing on them, listening to their music, memorizing their lyrics, and getting goosebumps at hearing their voice. Why? because they have God-given talent, some of them have the biggest dose of talent I've ever seen.

I've mentioned this topic before, but this time I really want to put it out there. How do we as Christians treat those who are living Homosexual lifestyles? Not very well, I think.

Who out there doesn't know "Candle in the Wind?" Who out there actually knows bother version and who they were written for? How about "Benny and the Jets?" "Your Song?" Hey, here's one, "Circle of Life", or any of the music from Disney's "The Lion King"? Sir Elton John is one of the most influential artists of all time. He's been knighted for crying out loud. I know people who listen to his music all the time and sing along.

Those same people see the Ellen show on TV and say "Gross. Disgusting."

Why? Because Ellen is a strong woman who stands up for what she believes in?

HEY! look here. Homosexuality is wrong. I disapprove of it. God  forbids it. (just in case you thought otherwise for a moment) And I DON'T every want to give the impression I support those who are actively pushing gay marriage or anything of the sort, but this is what I''m trying to say:

Don't boycott them. Don't say, "Ew", every time they appear on TV or the radio. Don't say "I'm not listening to that song because the guy who wrote it is gay."

In my opinion, you do this stuff, you're only a softer version of those church folk who hold up those signs, God hates gays. And if anyone is reading this outside of the Christian circle, here's a plug for you. GOD DOES NOT HATE GAYS. Nor does he hate liars, thieves, drunkards, or any other kind of sinner, (which is me and you.)

"Oh man, I love the "Passion of the Christ" movie, but I'm not watching it because Mel Gibson is Anti-Sematic."
"Oh man, I'm not letting my kid watch "Finding Nemo" because a lesbian is the voice of Dory."
"Oh man, I'm plugging my ears every time I hear music by Mozart because he was an adulterer and a fornicator."

This is all the same to me. Do you see where I'm coming from? It's not wonder homosexuals today stay away from the church, they all think we'll clench our eyes and plug our ears if they enter our presence.

GAY MARRIAGE is being legalized, guys. HOMOSEXUALITY is becoming "okay" in the world. IT'S HAPPENING whether us Christians like it or not. So we can't plug our ears, we can't turn our backs.

How about statements like these instead of changing channels with a disgusted scoff?

Ellen DeGeneres is hilarious, she does incredible things for needy people, but we don't support her lifestyle.
Adam Lambert has the best voice in the world, his talent on and off Broadway is above and beyond, but we don't support his lifestyle.
Ian McKellen is Gandalf and Magneto. He is awesome. But we don't support his lifestyle.
Jodi Foster is an incredible actor, one of my favorites, but I don't support her lifestyle.

Those of you who follow my blog know what I'll say next.

I'M NOT TRYING TO OFFEND. I'm just saying what I think.

We shouldn't accept homosexuality. We shouldn't tolerate it. We shouldn't let it bounce off our shells. We shouldn't pretend like it doesn't matter. BUT WHAT WE SHOULD DO is treat these people with the respect and dignity every human being deserves from us. because that's what Jesus would do. He'd open his arms to them. He'd look them in the eye. He'd heal them. He wouldn't turn up his nose or avoid the market stall they owned.

Let's not be the sign holders. Sin is sin. It is all the same. Make any argument you want for how some sins are worse than others, but then remember that even if the only thing you'd ever done was told a white lie, you'd still be unworthy of Heaven.

You don't boycott yourself or your friends for lying or gossiping. Try to be consistent.




-----All for Him----- <><