Where are your treasures?

"Money: There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money." 

- Sophocles

 
I've been reading the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. It was made into that show, The Legend of the Seeker... it's a good story. Anyways. One of the characters was trying to explain to another character the reason for gold coins--money. The man didn't understand why one would trade food, clothing, or weapons for pieces of useless, soft metal. He lived in a small community where everyone made what they needed form the land and traded amongst themselves. The rest of the world around them used money. No matter how much explaining or rationalizing was done, the man still thought the idea ludicrous. I found myself wishing we could go back to a time where the only things we ever needed could be dug up out of the ground or carved from wood or rock. 


I hate money.

I'm looking for a job. It's hard for me because I'm not extremely career minded. Sure, I'd love to land a job in a church somewhere, working with the worship music or the choir, and stay there for twenty years (maybe). But those kind of jobs don't just jump up in your face and offer themselves to you. So thus one must look for a different kind of job, a "real" job, with paychecks and bosses. Something which I've always hated. It hasn't been working out so well. The hours never seem to work for me at all, or the pay is extremely low for the time commitment. If I was a single guy on my own, heck, I could work any job. But I'm not. I'm married. I'm a girl, not that athletic even. So the idea of a paper route starting at 2am in the morning and paying me under a grand a month, doesn't seem to fly.

The money coming in covers everything down to the last letter. Yay. God is good. But how does one save anything? How does one pay off loans? If ones loans aren't paid off, how does one buy a house? How does one start a family? How does one get out of living from paycheck to paycheck without MORE FREAKING MONEY?

And then there are people out there (Kim Kardashian) who spend 2.5 billion dollars on a pair of earrings for her wedding, of which the marriage only lasts for 70 or so days. Then comes a multi-million dollar divorce. WELL WHOOPIE FOR YOU, KIM. You can do whatever the heck you want. The rest of us scrape by and worry about the one thing in our lives that we never seem to have enough of. Did you know that just ONE of those earrings is an equivalent of a thousand people's lifetime income? 

God is great. God is good. There had never been a time where my husband and I have felt totally screwed or in the hole for money or anything that we need. Amen to that. But that doesn't change the fact that life is hard and God just doesn't hand you everything you WANT on a silver platter. And if he does come by with a silver platter, it's on his schedule, not ours. And sometimes waiting around can be discouraging. 


So what insight do I have for you? What words of wisdom am I eloquently typing for your utter enjoyment and educational benefit? 

Nothing. no remedy. No get rich quick scheme. Nothing to fix the problems we all seem to have all the time. ---Debts--Taxes--Bills--Loans---Children---Mortgage--Rent---

But there is one thing I like to remember. We are still here. I've got chicken in the freezer for dinner tonight. My husband made me a cake because, yes, today is my birthday. Our apartment is clean and warm. The lights are on. And why do we have ALL THIS in the midst of paycheck-to-paycheck living?


Because I've got a friend in Jesus. 


Does this mean you'll never worry? No. It just means that when you find yourself worrying, because you will, you'll remember you don't have to. 


Does that mean your financial problems will go away? Maybe, maybe not. But they're not your problem, as long as you don't cling to them like they are. Give it up. Give it to someone smarter and more powerful than you. 


Does this mean your life will get easier? 


I guess that depends on you.

A Life of God-Worship

 ^19-21"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.  ^22-23"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
 ²⁴"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
 ^25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
 ^27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
 ^30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 ³⁴"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

-- Matthew 6:19-34 (The Message)

Bible-Colored Glasses

Worldviews.

If you've been to a Bible school, or even a Christian school at some point, the idea of Worldviews is pretty ingrained in your mind. A person's worldview shapes every single part of their philosophy. It affects their ethics, their morals, their opinions... it's the basis of who they are as a person.

I've known for quite some time what my worldview is. God is creator, he is all powerful and present in our  lives. There is nothing beyond his control. (Specific Theology left out here for future confusing blog post, for obvious reasons.) Sin is everywhere, polluting God's intended design. So when I look at the world, I see everything that shouldn't be--I see everything that the enemy is doing and am disgusted by it.

What happens when we take this further? Everyone knows that to be a good Christian means to watch out for sin in the world and keep ourselves clean of its influences WHILE loving and not condemning the lost. But the other day I thought of it this way: Imagine ripping a page from your Bible and gluing to your face, trying to see through it as you go about your day. Sure you see everything for what it is through the truth, but what are you missing? And more importantly, what are you saying to those who don't give a "rip" about the Bible-colored glasses you're looking at them through?

EXAMPLE: "Water for Elephants"

I never wanted to watch this movie. I heard about it when it was first coming out, and what was told to me was that it was about a woman who strikes up a relationship with a young man who is not her husband. My alarm immediately flared. "Oh no. I'm not watching that. That's garbage that's a sin that's adultery." I'd made my decision. And then it got really popular. Some of my friends were talking about it. The book was every where. So I looked it up, checked the rating, and decided it wouldn't be too horrible to see it, just so I could know what was going on. (I like to know as much as I can about things that have grabbed a media craze--so I'm informed.) So I watched it, and while I was watching it, I was completely enthralled. The music was spectacular, the world that was created was magical, the characters drew me in. (and it wasn't because of Edward...) Eventually I realized I WAS ROOTING FOR THE WOMAN TO LEAVE HER HUSBAND. The man was cruel and abusive, and the other man she was interested in was sweet and caring and so much better for her. They would both be happy if they could be together and away from that awful man who controlled the circus they were apart of.

NOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT KIND OF THINKING?

Immediately you say, "Oh no! I've been compromised! The EVIL worldview is trying to break me and crack my beliefs! Heaven help me, I've sinned! That movie is filled with trash! So are all other movies! BURN THEM ALL!"

Sound like what you would say? Hey, I thought about it. But then I started thinking... (a dangerous pastime, I know.) What would the non-Christian world think about this movie? What would someone without a page of the Bible stuck to their face think about this movie? If you've seen this movie, you can make a bigger list for yourself, but here are a few values I pulled from it: abuse of spouse is unacceptable, cruelty to animals is unacceptable, love is powerful, friendship is necessary for life, murder is regrettable, alcohol ruins relationships, and money isn't everything.

Are these not good values for the un-churched to hold to? Do these very values, apparently spawned from heathens, not come directly from God? Of course they do. Because all that is right and good comes from the Lord. (But tell that to an atheist, a pagan, anyone who claims a different worldview, and they will disagree.) What happens when a non-Christian sees a good value in something, and they see you freaking out about it? What are they to think of you? Extremist. Religious. Are they going to be looking for your sign that says "God Hates __________"?

Most everyone who is not actively seeking the truth will reject that which is of God. So why do we turn our noses up at things that get his values across in a way that they will actually accept?

Now hear this, if you hear nothing else. I'm not condoning ALL non- Christian movies and ALL non-Christian books that have good values in them. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm saying, we need to think before we blind ourselves with our Bible pages.

Another example: I was watching the show "GLEE" to see what that was all about. The music is incredible, but if you watch both seasons, you will find it filled to the brim with "things" that are unacceptable to Christians. Pre-marital sex, Homosexual marriages, divorce, infidelity, bi-sexual relationships, vulgar humor, and anything else you can think of. Now when I have my Bible page glasses on, I see everything that is sin and I scoff at it and stick my nose in the air, ready to condemn absolutely EVERYONE who watches that show. But what do I see when I take my Bible glasses off?

You are beautiful, even when you're considered "ugly and fat" by others. Bullying is wrong and it destroys a person's will to live. Everyone should be treated equally and not discriminated against (race, sexual orientation). Unsafe sex has devastating consequences. Everyone needs a friend. Being selfish can isolate you. And on and on...

Here's the point: Not everything that isn't made by the folks who put out "Fireproof" is bad/sinful/worthless. The rest of the world doesn't judge their entertainment by the same standards as we do, so when they accept it as something good and wholesome, we cannot condemn them for it. To them, it's a perfectly acceptable judgment.

What do you do now? 

Never try to apply Biblical truths to anything you watch/read? 

(Take off the Bible glasses) 

NO.

Never comment on sin in entertainment for fear of offending a non-Christian? 

(Shoving the Bible glasses in your mouth). 

NO.

Never watch anything unless there is absolutely no hint of worldly values?

(Putting the whole book in front of your face) 

NO.

Consider what it looks like with your Bible-glasses on and without your Bible-glasses on, and how others who don't even have a pair of Bible-glasses see it, and how they see you? 

(Putting the glasses on, and then taking them off and looking around.)

MAYBE...

Try thinking about it the next time you watch a new movie or a new TV show. That's all this is. Something to think about. Don't take it to the extreme and look for good things to justify what you watch, though.

What is your worldview and what does it mean? It is "fair" to judge others by a worldview they don't hold to? Why or why not? What of the Christian worldview has been "borrowed" by other worldviews, and can we use that to find a common ground as we share our faith? And speaking of that, when's the last time you've shared your faith with someone? Have you ever even tried? Be honest.

I'm going to go look in the mirror now and ask that again.
<><

Top 5 Action Movies: Just for Fun

I've wanted to do another post for a while, but nothing extremely insightful was coming to mind. So here I present to you all the top five action movies, in my opinion. Feel free to agree or disagree and tell me why! Then I can explain to you how you're wrong. :)

Here goes.

-1-

STAR TREK

"The Future Begins."

Year: 2009
Director: J.J Abrams

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto
Trailer

       Follow the early days of Captain James T. Kirk before he joined Enterprise. This story is a unique twist to the beginning of the expected storyline, creating an entirely open realm of possibilities. The acting is superb, with Quinto delivering a stunning performance of Spock, staying true to the essence of the character and yet making it his own, and no one can complain over Pine's save of William Shatner's attempt at a character. The action and the effects are top notch, the plot is fast paced and solid, and the recognizable humor of Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), and Chekov (Anton Yelchin) captivates fans of the original series as well as pulls the attention of first time Trekkies.

-2-

THE DARK KNIGHT

"Let's put a smile on that face."

Year: 2008
Director: Christopher Nolan
Starring: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart
Trailer

     The second installment of the very successful remake of Batman takes superheros, and super villains, to the next level. The Joker makes his appearance, quickly captivating audiences everywhere, almost outshining Batman as a character, though entirely evil. The story development and the character struggles are very real and intensely portrayed as the two battle for victory, in their wake causing damage to Rachel (Maggie Gyllenhaal), Bruce Wayne's love interest, and even creating a new villain in the process, Two Face. The special effects are riveting, and the late Heath Ledger's performance is breathtaking, earning him an academy award for best supporting actor, making him the first actor to win an award posthumously. The film leaves Batman at a precarious choice that will affect his reputation, setting it up nicely for the third film, The Dark Knight Rises (2012).

-3-

The Matrix

"There is no spoon."

Year: 1999
Director: The Wachowski Brothers
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Ann Moss
Trailer


     Being an almost ancient movie, released 12 years ago, The Matrix is sometimes forgotten, but it should always be remembered as the movie that revolutionized sci-fi action fighting, as well as the visual effect known as "bullet time" and other similar concepts. The main idea of the film is that the world as you know it is not real, it is a computer program designed to trap your mind--designed by machines. The second two installments of the Matrix trilogy follow the battle for human freedom once more. The complexity and creativity of the real world and the matrix is what makes this movie fascinating, as well as its mind blowing, slow motion action sequences. For Reeves, this really was his one and only redeeming role in Hollywood history because it required him to be mostly emotionless. Some of the actors that turned down the three main roles of Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus, were Will Smith, Nicolas Cage, Sandra Bullock, Val Kilmer, and Sean Connery.

-4-

GLADIATOR

"What we do in life echoes in eternity."

Year: 2000

Director: Ridley Scott
Starring: Russel Crowe, Joaquin Pheonix
Trailer


     The story of a Roman general who became a slave and had to fight for his life by participating in one of the most violent sports in history. Gladiators fight to the death for the enjoyment and spectacle of others, in this instance, corrupt and insane Emperor Commodus. The raw emotion portrayed in this film is what grasps at the hearts of everyone who sees it. Crowe and Pheonix deliver excellent performances, pulling you into a period of history that has captivated the imaginations for years. The plot pulls you along as you root and cheer for victory. The action and fighting is fast paced and nail biting, and the redemption at the end is more than satisfying.

-5-

THE LORD OF THE RINGS I, II, & III

"One ring to rule them all."

Year: 2001-2003
Director: Peter Jackson
Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Andy Serkis, Orlando Bloom, John Rhys Davis, Cate Blanchett, Sean Astin, and tons of other people.
Trailer


     One of the most, if not the number one, fantasy story of all time, written by J.R.R. Tolkien. Known and loved world wide, the world and characters Tolkien has created are masterfully represented in the three films of Jackson's. The story follows a young Hobbit as he embarks on a quest to destroy an evil ring with his eclectic band of companions including a Wizard, a Dwarf, and Elf, a man who would eventually become King, and a strange little creature named Gollum-- a genius character brought to life by Serkis. The trilogy won 17 out of 30 Academy Awards, the final film "Return of the King" winning all 11 that it was nominated for. The all star cast pulls out the stoppers for this 8-year long film project, fully keeping up with the costumes, the make-up, the sets, and the overall "epicness" of this epic tale.


Thus endeth my opinion on the five best action movies of all time. Some of the movies that came close to being in my top were INCEPTION, THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL, EQUILIBRIUM, and CAPTAIN AMERICA.


What do you guys think of that?

Following

Heard a sermon today about following Jesus. Not a new concept right? But perhaps, sometimes a forgotten one?

I graduated college 2 months ago. Moved from the busy city of Chicago to the town of Siloam Springs, home of John Brown University and near the nucleus of the greatest shopping chain in the world, Walmart. In Chicago there was the Sears tower, Navy Pier, The Cubs and the Sox, The Theater District, a large group of energetic friends, and a thriving, mission-bound, inner-city church that I was knee deep in. In Siloam Springs---me and my husband, the few people we knew, and our cat.

In May I was in Israel on a Choir tour, singing every night, playing hand-bells, ministering to people and walking through sites I'd only seen on flannel-graph. I was needed. I was important. They couldn't do it without me. In June I'm in my apartment, every day, all day, by myself, needed and missed by no one. Can't drive the car--it's a stick shift and I have no license. Can't work--I'm Canadian and don't have my green card yet. Can't play my piano--it's half-way across the world. Is this what it's like to follow Jesus?

So there's been a lot of questioning. A lot of thinking and changing of minds. A lot of useless feelings. I decided to just bite my tongue and bide my time to a future where I'd be important again--important and doing something for the kingdom instead of just sitting around.

Then I heard that sermon today on Following Jesus. The illustration was of the Israelites in the desert for forty years being led by the cloud/pillar of fire. The cloud stayed put for a day, maybe a week, or even a year. That was God, and he was teaching his children to follow him whenever he decided to go. They'd look up in the sky and say, "I guess we're staying here one more day."

I'd been so preoccupied with looking way ahead and trying to see the cloud, that I missed the fact that it was right above my head, standing still. No wonder I could never find it.

So maybe I have my learners license. Maybe we might make that church our home church and get involved. Maybe the interview for my green card application is at the end of this month. Maybe I just have to calm down and stop trying to make that cloud move.

Matthew 16:24-25

The Message (MSG)

^24-26Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

The Diamond in the Muck: When is it worth it?

“Dude, do you see that?”

“What?” I stopped and looked in the direction my buddy was pointing.

“That! Right there.” He pointed to a black, muddy pit.

I walked around it and stared. “What am I looking for?” I asked. I saw absolutely nothing. It was a giant hole filled with a disgusting substance that smelled like tar. “Is this tar? Why is it here?” I looked around the street for a construction sign or some trucks or men in orange vests, but I saw nothing. It was just me and my friend.

“Nah, did you see what fell in? I saw it! I think it was a huge diamond!”

“So you saw a huge diamond falling from the sky into this sludge?” I scoffed.

He rolled his eyes at me. “Does it matter where it came from?”

“Don’t you want to know?”

“No.”

“Are you sure you saw it?”

“Yes.”

I sighed and put my hands deep inside my pockets. “Well, whatever. It’s at the bottom now. You can’t get it.”

“Lemme just…” he grabbed a stick and poked at the stuff. “I can’t feel the bottom.”

“Let’s go,” I prompted.

“Dude, there’s a diamond in there! I know it!” He tossed the slimy stick aside and took off his shoes.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna get it.”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him away. “What are you talking about? You can’t jump in there, you don’t know how deep it is or what it is for that matter!”

“It doesn’t matter what it is! There’s a diamond at the bottom.”

I looked around for someone to help me—to reason with him, talk him out of jumping into what could be a bottomless pit for a silly rock. To my surprise, a 50 dollar bill was lying on the ground. “Hey, hey check this out! Fifty bucks! Here, take it!” I thrust it at him.

“Nah, that diamond is worth more.”

“But you don’t have to get all dirty if you take this!”

“It’s not going to affect me! I’ll just wash it off!”

“It’ll get everywhere! Your eyes, your ears, nose, mouth! How will you breathe in there??” I was starting to freak. He was really going to do it. He kept getting closer and closer to the pit. “Look, this fifty-dollar bill is free for the taking. It’s not covered under layers of slime. Why would you rather wade through that than take this?” I waved it in front of his face. He didn’t even look at it.

“I’ll hold my breath. Calm down!”

“I don’t think it’s worth it!” I yelled.

“Hey!” he snapped at me. “Just because you aren’t willing to get your hands dirty doesn’t mean you have the right to pass off your legalistic beliefs on me. This stuff won’t affect me. I’ll be fine. You like diamonds, don’t you?”

“Yes but—”

“We’re supposed to want diamonds, aren’t we?”

“I know but—”

“Then why is this an issue?”

“Because you shouldn’t be willing to do anything just to get it! You’re risking everything, exposing yourself to whatever garbage that is, and for what? For the possibility of a reward at the end. You don’t even know for sure it’s there.”

He pushed me away. “Whatever, man. I want that diamond. This junk,” he reached down and scooped up some tar in his hand, “will wash off. I’ll be fine. Just wait here and I’ll get it and you’ll see.” He jumped in.

I waited. I waited for a long time. He never came back.

He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he? The guy who jumps in the pit? Obviously. But, why do we not see ourselves as idiots when we do the same thing?

This story came to my mind as I was daydreaming in class. Yes, I do that sometimes. We all do. But it stemmed from what I had been thinking about all day. Is it okay as Christians to subject ourselves to sin in hopes of obtaining the tiny speck of truth that might lie within?

Let's start with an example from my life. I have made the decision not to watch the popular TV series GLEE. Why? Because it is filled with earthly morals, inappropriate humor, secular truths, and whatever else you can imagine. Now many things are filled with these things but this show presents them in either an "un-serious"/normal way or a very offensive way. (All you GLEE fans can get all offended now, but do me the honor of continuing to read.) A particular strand of "humor" that I cannot tolerate is homosexual "humor", and the show is dripping with it. So, thus my decision. Now every once and a while I reconsider that decision because I hear an amazing song from one of the episodes and I love well-done music. Then the familiar thought occurs to me: What am I willing to put up with, to let into my life, to loosen my convictions for, just to hear some good tunes?

Hmmm....

Every time, I decide not to give in and watch it.

And then recently, I'd been thinking a lot about why this is the only thing in my life I have applied this to. This came from a Friday night hanging out with friends and we were doing the usual, "What movie should we watch?" Someone said, "FIGHT CLUB!" My response immediately was, "No way. It's inappropriate for mixed audiences." Later that night when people were gone, I started wondering why I had decided that FIGHT CLUB was inappropriate for mixed audiences but okay for "un-mixed" audiences... guess what? It's Not.

Why do I like it? Why is it on my shelf? I tried to think. SEX VIOLENCE IMMORALITY SWEARING BLOOD SEX UNPRECEDENTED VIOLENCE VULGARITY SEX........ why do I watch this? Why do I drown myself in this slime and garbage, why do I get it in my ears and my eyes and caught in my throat? For what? Where is the truth? What is the diamond? Is there one?

Here's the diamond: the mind game.

Wow. I put up with all that crud because the story has an interesting twist?? Here's another question. Are there not movies with twists and mind games that are not covered in five feet of tar? yes. So why do we go for the unobtainable when something similar is just within reach? Why do we hold our breath and plunge head first into sin when we don't have to?

I'm not saying, "AVOID ALL THINGS WITH BAD STUFF IN IT BECAUSE IT'S SIN AND IT'S BAD!" But what I am saying is that we need to think about the movies and the music and the TV shows we like and why.

We should not shelter ourselves from the world. We need to know what's going on, what people enjoy and what shapes their worldview. But we need to realize where we are compromising OUR worldview for a mere nugget of truth.

And just to show you I'm not all about rant and no action, here's a list of some of the things I will prayerfully be considering removing from my entertainment shelves/desires--

"Fight Club", Eminem, Hip-Hop/Rap music, "Bridget Jones' Diary", "American Beauty", "8 Mile", "Boondock Saints", "The Departed", TrueBlood.

Hey, some of these things I'm not proud of. But i was truthful with you. Be truthful with yourself and with God. He's the one who really cares. He's the one who can really tell if it "affects" you or not.

Just try making a list. See what happens.

"Don't be afraid. I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You are mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you. That's how much I love you."
- Isaiah 43:1-4 [The Message]

What does it take to be faithful? What is faith anyways? Is it a gift--one of those spiritual ones Paul throws at you and everyone argues about if they're actually spiritual gifts or not? How do I have faith? How can I get more of it?

Do you really want to know?

Fine... you asked for it.

You have to suffer.

I've found that Faith is something I'm good at. I have a lot of it. If it is a spiritual gift I think I have it. And since I have it, I know how I got it. Through suffering and trials. And hey, guess what? I hate suffering. I'm not one of those OT saints who longs to suffer and die for Jesus, I'm not. I'll admit it. And I'm sure all of you would say the same. So you know what I have to deal with when I have faith? FEAR. Yes. For me, they are two very connected things.

I am Canadian. (just in case you hosers didn't know that) I am in the process of applying for a Green Card so I can work here in the States and pay taxes to this perfect country. So my husband, as amazing as he is, buckles down and does oodles of confusing paperwork for this crazy application himself so we don't have to spend $2000+ to get a lawyer to do it. It would've been sent off in September but I had to go to the doctors and get their immigration tests done, which included me getting three immunizations (including a chicken pox one because I wasn't lucky enough to get it when I was a wee lass) and getting stuck FOUR TIMES while they tried to find my veins to draw blood. That was a hoot.
So the application to be registered as some kind of Alien got sent off in October; our fingers were crossed for it to get through by December. Why? Because Grandma had just bought the entire family a CHRISTMAS CRUISE. Um, yeah, gee, who wouldn't want to go on a free cruise? Here's the deal. When you're in Green Card Application status you can't return into the country, and since the cruise was to the Caribbean, I couldn't gone but never come back... that wouldn't be good. So we needed the application to go through and for them to issue me TRAVEL DOCUMENTS which would allow me into the country again.

They didn't arrive in time.
Mess-ups with our address made something wonky with the mailing process.

So no cruise for us. Sad day, but we survived. We went down to Arkansas and hung out with family and friends and we had a great time. *silver linings*, guys.
So what was the next big thing coming up that I needed those travel documents for? CHOIR TOUR. It was going to Canada for Spring Break. Hey that was in March, no biggie right? Wrong. We were getting past the deadline to either find them documents lost in the mail returned, or to apply again (which would be another $300). Here, is the moment where the fear creeps in. Here's a snippet of my brain activity so you can know exactly what this process looks like.

"Keep waiting for them to show up or re-apply? If we wait to long re-applying won't do any good. What's going on? God why haven't you brought them to me yet? I know everything will work out the way you want it to, but does that mean me not going on choir tour? I really want to go. I can't imagine not going. If I can't go I'll have to give up my spot on the Handbell Choir so someone else can learn how to play my part. I love the bells. When I think about not playing them I feel sick. This is my last year here. God why would you not want me to go? I have faith that you know what you're doing but I'm afraid of the suffering that comes with it."

Imagine having that run around in your mind 24/7. Not fun.

So what happened, you say? Well, Winter Tour was coming, and that was to Iowa so I could go on that one. ;) I had mixed feelings about it because I was grateful I could at least go on this tour, but the thought that it might be my last tour ever really stung. (if you're wondering why tour is so important, it's because it's what you've been working towards from the beginning of your college career. You're in choir and you work towards the end goal of tour. that's just the way it goes.) So the night before we left on tour, I found this verse:

"Think of your suffering as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want." - I Peter 4:2 [The Message]

Read it again before continuing on. This verse was huge for me. I wanted to go on tour so badly i was making myself physically sick over the fact that i might not be able to go. God was saying, slow down. You want this, but do I? You know you always think, well, if I'm in tune with God his will will be my will? HEY! Don't flip it around and say MY WILL IS HIS WILL IF WE'RE IN TUNE. That's what I was doing.
That verse got me through the first two days of our little tour to Iowa. I was able to let go a little and enjoy what i had at the moment, and if God wanted this to be my last tour then so be it.
Then the day came that we were in this little science museum for children, you know the ones with all the hands-on experiment things you can do. And I was just low. I don't like museums in the first place. So I was wandering around by myself and scoffing at the little airplanes that moved when you pushed buttons, the radio waves that went crazy with the turn of a dial, and the big gross boa-constrictor in the corner tank when my phone buzzed. It was a text from my husband at home.

GUESS WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY?

My heart jumped out of my throat.
Yes folks, the papers came.
And you know what? After a few weeks we even realized why they were late. Each travel document is only good for one re-entry. There were two documents in the package that came. If I had used one to go on the cruise and one for Spring Tour to Canada, I would not have been able to go on the International Tour to ISRAEL this summer with the choir. Oh, geez. Well. Good thing I'm not in charge then, huh?

FAITH & FEAR

Is it possible to have one without the other?
I sure hope so. Once the ordeal is over you always realize that the fear was unnecessary.

I leave you with this.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by the fire-- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
- I Peter 1:6-9

Merry Giftmas!

So it's been a while since I've had something to write about. I guess that means life is perfect right? You wish.

Giftmas came and went. I don't know about you guys but I just love Giftmas. All the cards, decorations, lights, cookies, fudge and the awesomeness of decorating a tree-- I just love it. I look forward to it all year. Oh wait! Can't forget the most important part of the whole season!! Gifts! Presents! There's nothing that warms your heart more than seeing brightly wrapped packages under the tree with your name on them, and if you're like me, seeing brightly wrapped packages that I wrapped with someone else's name on them makes me feel even cozier inside. I just love making cards and presents for everyone I know. Ah, Giftmas. A season of giving and

getting. Great right?

Oops. I just noticed a large spelling error I made throughout the first part of my blog, right up there, see it? Sorry, guys. I meant to write Christmas. Christ mas.

You noticed, right? Of course you did. It was obvious. But did you notice before? Did you notice when you woke up on Gif-- ahem, Christmas morning with your family, whether bright and early, or whenever you felt like it, and you all sat down in front of your tree and dove into the sea of boxed-up joy and joyness?

Did you stop to remember what the original Christmas gift was and who it was from? Did you stop to think about what it means?

I didn't. Not until the last piece of wrapping paper had been torn off the last present.

How many of you grew up reading the Christmas story, about Baby Jesus being born in a manger to save ALL of us, before you even touched a present under the tree? I did.

How dare we even think that we have the right to grab those gifts with our grubby little paws without taking a SECOND to remember the God of the universe who came down in a form of a Baby, who sacrificed himself for the sake of mankind, for the sake of those who laugh in his face and scorn the cross, for my sake, and yours?

Now calm down if you were one of the ones who read the Christmas story. Calm down if you had Christ on your heart all season. Calm down if you think I'm bashing gifts or the holiday cheer, I'm not. Calm down. Why get ticked at me? I'm sticking up for my Saviour's birthday being turned into someone, or something, else's day. And if you agree with me, and if you know you never gave him a second thought, don't calm down. Get upset! GET ANNOYED at yourself!

And you know what? While we're at it, why is the whole holiday not wrapped around Christ in your heart? It's not just something to remember before you open gifts, it's not just the Christmas Eve service you so dutifully attend, whatever motions you go through to "keep Christ in Christmas" that's NOT ENOUGH. When you go to a wedding, do you take three minutes to say, "hey, there's the bride and groom. How great for them. Isn't that happy. Thanks for inviting me!" and then promptly moving on and pig out on all the food and drink and feel good about yourself because you took a few mere moments to acknowledge the reason for the celebration. Jeez, now that that's over you can enjoy yourself, right?

If all I'm doing is ranting to myself, that's fine. I'm only responsible for me. But if you've been upset or convicted by what I've put forth today, share your thoughts. Maybe not here, to me, or the rest of the online world who reads this, but maybe share it with the person who's birthday you forgot or watered down. After all, he's the only one that matters in the end.

Happy New Year. Make it start out right.