"Don't be afraid. I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You are mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you. That's how much I love you."
- Isaiah 43:1-4 [The Message]
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you. That's how much I love you."
- Isaiah 43:1-4 [The Message]
What does it take to be faithful? What is faith anyways? Is it a gift--one of those spiritual ones Paul throws at you and everyone argues about if they're actually spiritual gifts or not? How do I have faith? How can I get more of it?
Do you really want to know?
Do you really want to know?
Fine... you asked for it.
You have to suffer.
I've found that Faith is something I'm good at. I have a lot of it. If it is a spiritual gift I think I have it. And since I have it, I know how I got it. Through suffering and trials. And hey, guess what? I hate suffering. I'm not one of those OT saints who longs to suffer and die for Jesus, I'm not. I'll admit it. And I'm sure all of you would say the same. So you know what I have to deal with when I have faith? FEAR. Yes. For me, they are two very connected things.
I am Canadian. (just in case you hosers didn't know that) I am in the process of applying for a Green Card so I can work here in the States and pay taxes to this perfect country. So my husband, as amazing as he is, buckles down and does oodles of confusing paperwork for this crazy application himself so we don't have to spend $2000+ to get a lawyer to do it. It would've been sent off in September but I had to go to the doctors and get their immigration tests done, which included me getting three immunizations (including a chicken pox one because I wasn't lucky enough to get it when I was a wee lass) and getting stuck FOUR TIMES while they tried to find my veins to draw blood. That was a hoot.
So the application to be registered as some kind of Alien got sent off in October; our fingers were crossed for it to get through by December. Why? Because Grandma had just bought the entire family a CHRISTMAS CRUISE. Um, yeah, gee, who wouldn't want to go on a free cruise? Here's the deal. When you're in Green Card Application status you can't return into the country, and since the cruise was to the Caribbean, I couldn't gone but never come back... that wouldn't be good. So we needed the application to go through and for them to issue me TRAVEL DOCUMENTS which would allow me into the country again.
I am Canadian. (just in case you hosers didn't know that) I am in the process of applying for a Green Card so I can work here in the States and pay taxes to this perfect country. So my husband, as amazing as he is, buckles down and does oodles of confusing paperwork for this crazy application himself so we don't have to spend $2000+ to get a lawyer to do it. It would've been sent off in September but I had to go to the doctors and get their immigration tests done, which included me getting three immunizations (including a chicken pox one because I wasn't lucky enough to get it when I was a wee lass) and getting stuck FOUR TIMES while they tried to find my veins to draw blood. That was a hoot.
So the application to be registered as some kind of Alien got sent off in October; our fingers were crossed for it to get through by December. Why? Because Grandma had just bought the entire family a CHRISTMAS CRUISE. Um, yeah, gee, who wouldn't want to go on a free cruise? Here's the deal. When you're in Green Card Application status you can't return into the country, and since the cruise was to the Caribbean, I couldn't gone but never come back... that wouldn't be good. So we needed the application to go through and for them to issue me TRAVEL DOCUMENTS which would allow me into the country again.
They didn't arrive in time.
Mess-ups with our address made something wonky with the mailing process.
Mess-ups with our address made something wonky with the mailing process.
So no cruise for us. Sad day, but we survived. We went down to Arkansas and hung out with family and friends and we had a great time. *silver linings*, guys.
So what was the next big thing coming up that I needed those travel documents for? CHOIR TOUR. It was going to Canada for Spring Break. Hey that was in March, no biggie right? Wrong. We were getting past the deadline to either find them documents lost in the mail returned, or to apply again (which would be another $300). Here, is the moment where the fear creeps in. Here's a snippet of my brain activity so you can know exactly what this process looks like.
"Keep waiting for them to show up or re-apply? If we wait to long re-applying won't do any good. What's going on? God why haven't you brought them to me yet? I know everything will work out the way you want it to, but does that mean me not going on choir tour? I really want to go. I can't imagine not going. If I can't go I'll have to give up my spot on the Handbell Choir so someone else can learn how to play my part. I love the bells. When I think about not playing them I feel sick. This is my last year here. God why would you not want me to go? I have faith that you know what you're doing but I'm afraid of the suffering that comes with it."
Imagine having that run around in your mind 24/7. Not fun.
So what happened, you say? Well, Winter Tour was coming, and that was to Iowa so I could go on that one. ;) I had mixed feelings about it because I was grateful I could at least go on this tour, but the thought that it might be my last tour ever really stung. (if you're wondering why tour is so important, it's because it's what you've been working towards from the beginning of your college career. You're in choir and you work towards the end goal of tour. that's just the way it goes.) So the night before we left on tour, I found this verse:
"Think of your suffering as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want." - I Peter 4:2 [The Message]
Read it again before continuing on. This verse was huge for me. I wanted to go on tour so badly i was making myself physically sick over the fact that i might not be able to go. God was saying, slow down. You want this, but do I? You know you always think, well, if I'm in tune with God his will will be my will? HEY! Don't flip it around and say MY WILL IS HIS WILL IF WE'RE IN TUNE. That's what I was doing.
That verse got me through the first two days of our little tour to Iowa. I was able to let go a little and enjoy what i had at the moment, and if God wanted this to be my last tour then so be it.
Then the day came that we were in this little science museum for children, you know the ones with all the hands-on experiment things you can do. And I was just low. I don't like museums in the first place. So I was wandering around by myself and scoffing at the little airplanes that moved when you pushed buttons, the radio waves that went crazy with the turn of a dial, and the big gross boa-constrictor in the corner tank when my phone buzzed. It was a text from my husband at home.
So what was the next big thing coming up that I needed those travel documents for? CHOIR TOUR. It was going to Canada for Spring Break. Hey that was in March, no biggie right? Wrong. We were getting past the deadline to either find them documents lost in the mail returned, or to apply again (which would be another $300). Here, is the moment where the fear creeps in. Here's a snippet of my brain activity so you can know exactly what this process looks like.
"Keep waiting for them to show up or re-apply? If we wait to long re-applying won't do any good. What's going on? God why haven't you brought them to me yet? I know everything will work out the way you want it to, but does that mean me not going on choir tour? I really want to go. I can't imagine not going. If I can't go I'll have to give up my spot on the Handbell Choir so someone else can learn how to play my part. I love the bells. When I think about not playing them I feel sick. This is my last year here. God why would you not want me to go? I have faith that you know what you're doing but I'm afraid of the suffering that comes with it."
Imagine having that run around in your mind 24/7. Not fun.
So what happened, you say? Well, Winter Tour was coming, and that was to Iowa so I could go on that one. ;) I had mixed feelings about it because I was grateful I could at least go on this tour, but the thought that it might be my last tour ever really stung. (if you're wondering why tour is so important, it's because it's what you've been working towards from the beginning of your college career. You're in choir and you work towards the end goal of tour. that's just the way it goes.) So the night before we left on tour, I found this verse:
"Think of your suffering as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want." - I Peter 4:2 [The Message]
Read it again before continuing on. This verse was huge for me. I wanted to go on tour so badly i was making myself physically sick over the fact that i might not be able to go. God was saying, slow down. You want this, but do I? You know you always think, well, if I'm in tune with God his will will be my will? HEY! Don't flip it around and say MY WILL IS HIS WILL IF WE'RE IN TUNE. That's what I was doing.
That verse got me through the first two days of our little tour to Iowa. I was able to let go a little and enjoy what i had at the moment, and if God wanted this to be my last tour then so be it.
Then the day came that we were in this little science museum for children, you know the ones with all the hands-on experiment things you can do. And I was just low. I don't like museums in the first place. So I was wandering around by myself and scoffing at the little airplanes that moved when you pushed buttons, the radio waves that went crazy with the turn of a dial, and the big gross boa-constrictor in the corner tank when my phone buzzed. It was a text from my husband at home.
GUESS WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY?
My heart jumped out of my throat.
Yes folks, the papers came.
And you know what? After a few weeks we even realized why they were late. Each travel document is only good for one re-entry. There were two documents in the package that came. If I had used one to go on the cruise and one for Spring Tour to Canada, I would not have been able to go on the International Tour to ISRAEL this summer with the choir. Oh, geez. Well. Good thing I'm not in charge then, huh?
My heart jumped out of my throat.
Yes folks, the papers came.
And you know what? After a few weeks we even realized why they were late. Each travel document is only good for one re-entry. There were two documents in the package that came. If I had used one to go on the cruise and one for Spring Tour to Canada, I would not have been able to go on the International Tour to ISRAEL this summer with the choir. Oh, geez. Well. Good thing I'm not in charge then, huh?
FAITH & FEAR
Is it possible to have one without the other?
I sure hope so. Once the ordeal is over you always realize that the fear was unnecessary.
Is it possible to have one without the other?
I sure hope so. Once the ordeal is over you always realize that the fear was unnecessary.
I leave you with this.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by the fire-- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
- I Peter 1:6-9
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by the fire-- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
- I Peter 1:6-9
