being me [or you]

Qualified. There's always someone telling you you're not qualified. It doesn't have to be words, mind you, it could be in the form of a rejection letter, a promotion gone to someone else, an "F" on a paper, or even a dirty look. I find myself sometimes looking at other people and saying,

"Sheesh... it's always someone else. It's never me. When's my shot? When can I [insert aspiration]?"

Then once you get over that bout of selfishness, another MEMEME giant rears it's ugly head.

"I could totally have done that. Hey! I could do that better! If only they had chosen me. If only that person wasn't constantly hogging the spotlight! Then maybe I'd get noticed."

I used to go through those two phases a lot, admit they were wrong to feel that way, and try and move on with my unnoticed, untapped life. But then I started to actually try and do the things I was convinced I could do better than [insert person] who had been hogging the spotlight-- and I fell flat on my face.

SHOCKER: I'm not as great as I thought I was.

So then you start to understand the rejection letter, the promotion that passed you by, the "F" you deserved, and why that person, once self-righteous now a "truth-seer", gave you a dirty look. A new bout starts to run through your head.

"Why am I here? What good will it do? There are so many more people qualified than me. Why would anyone want to hire me or work with me when they could have someone else?"

Man. A hard pill to swallow. Not qualified. Not good enough. And you know what hammers in a nice big nail? Can't get qualified unless you get experience which you won't get a chance to gain because you're not qualified.

If you think this is bad-- try this on for size. When you've got the call from God to go into full time ministry and you're not qualified for it, that means you're not good enough for God to use. BAM! Shot in the heart.

Who feels like this? Me. You. Everyone. Even the spotlight stealer and the dirty look giver. You know what else? You will probably have feelings like this forever. Some of us more than others. But guess what I've discovered? That's all they are! FEELINGS. Soft, fickle, and modifiable feelings. Since when does feeling dictate reality?

God would never create something not good enough for the purpose He created it for.

Our problem is is that when we're not in the very midst of that purpose we "feel" like it doesn't exist at all. Sometimes we have to wait. Sometimes, yes, we're not READY for that job/position/promotion, but that doesn't mean we're not good enough for it. Just because a plumber doesn't have his own tools yet doesn't mean he can't or won't ever fix pipes!

Our culture is saturated with NOW-HERE-MYWAY and we have no idea what not yet, not here, and not this way mean. It certainly took forever for it to sink into me and I still forget sometimes.

I guess all I have left to say is this: No one else is ever going to be qualified to be me and I'd better get on with it because I'm certainly never going to be qualified to be you.